Learning A New Game

No matter how you look at it, pickup is a journey in which many discoveries are made. In this sense, it can be related to many other things. Yesterday I had a realization that I want to document, perhaps you can relate.

Went to school for 7 months for cosmetology, want to do cuts and colors, recently became employed in a high end salon. Now that you're up to speed.

I was talking to Vajra on my lunch yesterday about starting at the bottom and working your way up. I was a little down about it, having to start here again at this point in my life.

Later on when I was back at work I had a revalation. My boss is a no-bullshit kind of guy, he cuts straight to the chase. This being my first job in a salon, I'm definitely not up to par. He knows this and his job is to get me up to speed as fast as possible. My job, other than cleaning up behind everyone else, is to work hard at getting good at everything, and that means starting out at the beginning. So, it's not the bottom, it's just a beginning.

When I coach pickup, my goal is to bust a guy's ass in a no-bullshit way. But there I was, standing at the sink, trying to shampoo, getting my ass busted for not doing it right. That's a really important moment and you need to make the right choice. Mine was that I am grateful to have this kind of teacher. If I'm not doing it right, call me on it and push me to improve. I see too many guys make a different choice here. They choose to feel hurt and they retreat and try to heal the wound. FUCK THAT. I don't have time for that. I want to get good and start making money ASAP so I'm willing to put away any kind of bullshit that's going to hold me back.

Incidentally, when I have these moments of clarity, when I'm learning that I'm not doing something to the best of my ability, and I'm learning the right way... I smile. I laugh. I'm happy to be making progress, to be moving forward and laughing at myself helps me embrace the new way. I just hope the boss doesn't think I'm laughing at him. :)

So here's to learning a new game. Salon Game...

~Serendipitous

The Importance of Shit Tests

"Women test you because they want you to pass."

I think this applies to and is true in some situations, but with women you've just met I would say that they don't "want" you to pass their shit tests. The information they get if you fail is just as important to them than if you pass.

The major thing about tests is that it defines the opposites, the man from the woman. When you pass a test it creates that magnetism that both forces us apart and makes us want more. Sometimes this can be called breaking rapport, but it goes much deeper than that.

When a man complies instead of defies, he embraces the female energy.

When a man defies instead of complies, he embraces the male energy.

Example:

I saw a blonde on the street the other day and left where I was sitting to sarge her. I catch up to her and say:

Me: Hey, I saw you pass by and I had to come talk to you. Hi, I'm Serendipitous. [direct sincere]

Her: (smiles) Hi, I'm Girl.

Me: So what's your story? [direct qualifier]

Her: I don't have one. [shit test]

Me: Ah, don't give me that. Tell me something about yourself. [pass test, command her]

Her: Well I have a boyfriend. [shit test]

Me: Oh yeah? What's his name? [call her bluff]

Her: Um... (tries thinking of one) ...it doesn't matter. (smiles coyly) [damn right it doesn't matter, she's caught bluffing, I pass the test]

Me: Ok, so what are doing right now? [command, angling for an instadate]

Her: I should really be walking alone. (smiling) [one last shit test]

Me: Oh, I like your hair, how'd you do that? [ignore test and change thread]

And off we went into a conversation that ended with her giving me her number.

3 shit tests right off the bat. Did she want me to pass at any given point? Probably not. She was testing to see if I was weak or if I was strong.

If at any point I failed the tests, she would have the most important information she needed at that moment about me, and that would be that I wasn't strong enough to take care of her. Since I passed her initial tests, she decided I was worthy enough to continue talking to, at least for the time being, and at least enough to give out her number.

But getting back to opposites. It's the yin and the yang, the north and the south magnetic, the opposite energy that allows us to be whole with the other gender, and allows us to be individuals at the same time.

When there isn't something for her to push back against, she realizes that you don't have what she's looking for, that she couldn't be whole with you. She needs your male energy because she's incomplete without it. Nice guys don't understand this and only try to comply with her, which pushes her away.

Take a strong hold of your male energy and embrace it. When women realize you can complete them, they'll want to be around you more.

~Serendipitous

The Difference Between Being A Player And Being A Pickup Artist..

This is more of a rant I guess.

There was this guy at an event last month who wanted my buddy Legend to teach him how to close. For one, the guy wasn't even approaching and for two, he didn't want to have to talk to women for more than a few minutes, he just wanted to find a girl and fuck her within 5-10 minutes. Right off the bat I can tell this guy has a few problems, the biggest being that he has something against women. He wasn't interested in them as people at all. He was literally just looking for a way to use them for sex. Not that he shouldn't be able to make that choice in his life, but as we looked at him through PUA eyes, this guy is bad news. Pickup isn't what he's looking for.

* Disclaimer: Being a pickup artist isn't about using women for sex, though I'm sure there are some guys who do that, IMHO they are missing the point, but a PUA is, intrinsically, interested in women as a resource to enrich his life with and he finds the value in each woman around him. Before I start preaching let's get back to this guy..

If you're not interested in getting to know a woman ever, just go fuck prostitutes, why waste your time here when you aren't interested in women as people? Sure, you could probably get lucky once or twice and find a woman who isn't interested in getting to know you either (and you're not worth getting to know with that mindset anyway) who will use you like you want to use her. And maybe that's fine with you, but as a PUA, I'm not going to pass these skills on to you. Take off that business shirt, go find some homies in the 'hood, start drinking a 40 and have those guys teach you how to a player, which is exactly what you're looking to be.

Okay. Now that I've gotten the inspiration for this post off my chest, I want to talk about what sets players apart from pickup artists.

Women, by nature, are designed to ward off assholes like this guy, because the risks of being with him are way too high. If she gets pregnant by this guy, he's not going to be around and her instincts serve her well in smelling out this rat. Second on the risks list are STD's. A guy with a mindset like this is more likely to have contracted an STD that could her irreparable damage.

For those reasons, wanting to be a player isn't in a guys best interest.

A pickup artist, on the other hand, is the kind of guy who enjoys the

company of women. He enjoys what they bring into his life and finds

the value they each have inside. He has sex with her if they both feel

so inclined, not as way to take something from her, but to add

something to her. He wants to show her a good time, to unleash the

sexual adventure inside of her.

~Serendipitous

Game Is As Flexible As You Can Imagine It To Be

The best thing about Game is that it's the most flexible thing I know. Even more than that yoga chick who puts her legs behind her head.. You might be wondering how game is flexible, and that's a good thing, it's good that you're thinking about it. I always think about how I can use game in different ways. The last few weeks I was thinking about using it more in a business sense, I've got an FR coming detailing the highlights of that experiment, but today I want to talk about game along the lines of customizing it for your own life.

My Situation:

I'll start with my own life. My situation is that I've been in a relationship for 11-12 years now, though I consider myself polyamorous. She's the mother of my children, 2 boys, 8 & 10 years old. We all live together. If that isn't a set of circumstances to work around, I don't know what is.

My Limitations:

- Don't have a place to bring girls to. No seduction location.

- I don't have much time to invest in a relationship.

- My car has been off the road for since December.

- My LTR doesn't want to meet any girl I'm involved with.

Those are the major ones, the biggest ones to work around. Here's how I deal with them.

1. No seduction location.

The easiest way I found to get around this one is to qualify girls based on wether they have their own place or not. Once I know that they do, I know she's worth investing my time in. In the case that she doesn't, I have a close friend who will let me drop by. Or I can find a park when the weather is nice. Or fuck in her/my car, I hate fucking in cars though.

2. I don't have much time to invest in a relationship.

This one has to do with framing the relationship. After I fuck the lucky girl, I use the fuck buddy frame to steer the relationship towards where I want to go. Setting the frame can be as simple as saying: 'Hey, that was really fun. We should definitely do that again sometime soon.' You have to act that way too, and be mature with your feelings. It takes a certain amount of restraint to hold back when you want to give a new lover more attention than you can afford. Just be intellectual about it.

3. My car has been off the road for since December.

Again, qualify looking for a girl with a set of wheels. You better be a damn good fuck if you expect her to come pick you up for sex on any kind of regular basis though.

4. My LTR doesn't want to meet any girl I'm involved with.

Truth be told, I love threesomes with girls. Since my LTR doesn't want to be involved with any of the girls I get it on with, I must qualify girls based on their bisexuality or bicuriosity. Once you find a steady, bisexual fuck buddy, things get a little easier. Then you've got a co-conspirator with her own place who likes fucking girls with you. Then it doesn't if the third girl has her own place or not. It still helps that she's got her own wheels though.

If you want a process to figure out how to design game around your own limitations, here it is:

1. Know your limitations. Write them down, figure out what the biggest ones are. Forget the other ones for now. Just get over the biggest few.

2. Make a list of ways you can get around them. This takes some time to think about and it might stretch you brain a little bit, but it doesn't take much more than time and the effort of thinking.

3. Qualify accordingly. Whatever your needs are, qualify girls looking for ones that can provide a solution to the problem. Stay away from girls who are going to add to the problem.

There you go.

Hope it helps.

~Serendipitous

Choices

The decision to change my life was a relatively simple one and it only took half a second at a time.

Choice. Everything in life boils down to a choice. Everything. Perhaps on a level we aren't even aware of. Sometimes it's a single choice but more often it's a series of many choices.

A holding pattern develops when we aren't conscious of the choices we make on a moment to moment basis. We act in ways that don't benefit us and we develop ineffective behaviors and strategies, never realizing that somewhere in our process lies a place to decide something different. We continue acting the way we do and we never get anywhere in lives. We stay in a holding pattern.

Because we are thinking so fast, we act on our immediate thoughts and never question what we are doing or why we are doing it. We act and behave according to the choices we unconsciously make, never knowing we are in a holding pattern.

There's a way to change this though...

We change it by becoming conscious..

of our thoughts...

from moment...

to moment.

Can you see the perfect you? The person who would never do that behavior?

Can you feel what it's like to be that person? Are they confident and totally in control of their life?

What would that person say to you? What would they tell you to do?

We all know the wonderful things that happen when we accomplish something. Our mind begins to build the image of or new future and our lives begin to change in ways we couldn't have imagined. We build new neurological pathways inside our brain.

Realizing we have other options gives us choice and enables us to break free from our holding patterns. How often do you question your behavior? How often are you making the right choice?

So many times throughout the day little things happen that require us to make split-second decisions, ones that we are usually unconscious of. When one begins to slow their thinking down and really examine what they think and feel and why they think and feel it, they can then begin to take control of their life by choosing to think and feel something that is in line with their long term goals.

Here's an example. You see a woman on your lunch hour that you feel powerfully attracted to so you approach her. You open with "Hi, I'm ____, I saw you over here and I had to come talk to you." She replies with "Fuck off!" What's your immediate reaction? Do you feel angry? Are your feelings hurt? Do you judge her calling her a bitch? What is it you would do?

99 times out of 100, any reaction isn't going to serve your long term goals, where an action would. Someone who isn't in control of their destiny will react whereas someone who is in control of their destiny will act. What's the difference?

Most guys would allow their feelings to get hurt and would react in a defensive manner, probably calling her a bitch as they walked away. Those guys aren't in control of their lives and guess what? They lose out.

A man who is in charge of his life would act in a manner that would best serve his goal of approaching her in the first place. He might say something like: "I'm sorry to have bothered you, you are clearly upset about something. Would you like to talk about it? I was just about to get lunch, would you like to join me?"

Now that response isn't guaranteed to work, but it has a better chance of working than calling her a bitch and walking away, right?

You might be asking "How do I do that?". Here's a very simple 3-step process:

1. State your goal. "I want to get to know her."

2. Ask yourself: What action will best result in me getting what I want?

3. Act the way that will best lead you to what you want.

The worlds most successful people are masters of this process and what makes them successful is their ability to constantly and consistently choose their path through life. When one can master this skill, he becomes driven by his choice making alone.

It's not hard, it just takes practice. This is one of the easiest things to learn to do and one of the most effective strategies to producing the results that you want in your life.

Go out today and use this process 5 times. Use this process everyday for a week. Next week, use it ten times a day. Keep doing this until you choose everything you do, and everywhere you want to go in life.

One last note. I don't know if this process is true or not. I really don't. All I know is that it allows me to produce better results when I act as if it is true.

Now, go out and take control of your life!

~Serendipitous