Have Better Things To Do...

Back in September, just as the weather turned raw and the leaves changed color and began to fall, a girl caught my eye. I had just parted ways with Courage and I was sitting on the sidewalk right next to JP Licks on Newbury Street. It was then that she caught my eye. I liked her style, her leather jacket was the just the right color brown to perfectly match the shade of the leaves at the time; that still-bright hue of the oranges, yellows, reds and what was left of the greens.

She sat down on the bench a couple of feet away from where I was sitting, impatiently checking her phone, a few times each minute. Eventually she calls someone. They don't answer. She calls again, even more impatient this time. Again, no answer. She dials again. This time someone picks up. It's her friend. You know, [i]that[/i] friend. The one she calls when she needs to vent her emotions? So she starts in on her and reveals her entire situation.

She met a guy on Match.com and they agreed to meet up for a date. They set the time and place and all was in motion. Then earlier that day, he unexpectedly calls and requests they reschedule the time, claiming to have been invited to the Red Sox game by a guy at the office who had an extra ticket. It's an offer he can't refuse and he tells her it'll probably be another 45 minutes. She accepts the change and showed up at the appropriate time. On her way, he called and needed to post-pone the time again. This time because he was still at the game. She had decided to show up and wait, considering she was so close to the location anyhow. Then he wasn't showing up. She called an there was no reply. That's when she called her.

She tells her friend all of that and they start talking about it for a couple of minutes, her listening to the advice her trusted best friend is giving. Then [i]he[/i] calls. She tells her friend and answers him instantaneously.

She's talking times again. She finishes with him and clicks back over. "He just post-poned again! Can you believe this guy?! He says he needs to walk his dog and take a shower!" The friend starts in again. She listens.

If this situation hadn't intrigued me so, I surely would have left and been well on my way on the commuter rail back home again. But here I am too, invested in this enough to stick around and see what happens of the whole thing.

In fact, at this point, I thought he was jerk too. Jerking this pour woman's chain around like that while she waits in the raw-damp cold of fall. I wanted to swoop in and sarge.. er.. "save" the girl, be her knight in shining armor. I decided though, that I'd rather watch the situation play out, as it wouldn't have been serendip of me to interrupt.

She talks to her friend for another half an hour until she gets another call. It's him again. He tells her he is back at his house, dog walked, showered, and ready to leave. He'll be there in just a few minutes. 20 go by and she's getting anxious again. Another call from the jerk and she perks herself up and starts looking around. He's close. She primps and looks around to find him. She gets up, looking harder and harder but still can't see him. I stand up too, thinking I can spot him before she does. He tells her he can see her. She's baffled. I am too.

Then, out of the blue, he comes up from behind and scares her. She gets a little upset but she's more relieved that he had finally shown up. He apologizes and they go in to get ice cream, after she'd been sitting in the cold for over an hour. They come back outside and then he suggests they bring it to his place where it's warm. She agrees and just like that, they're off.

Now, maybe you're thinking this guy is a jerk too, hopefully you're not. You see, he actually made himself much more attractive by doing exactly what he did.

First, he displayed that she's nothing special to him yet by accepting the ticket to the ballgame, notifying her he'd be late and resetting the time.

Then, he rescheduled her a [i]second[/i] time because the game wasn't over yet and he wasn't going to leave early; who does that?

Third, he needs to walk his dog and take a shower, displaying that he can take care of a loved one (the dog) and that he'll be sure to groom himself for her.

Last, he doesn't present himself as timid or even like he did anything wrong, because he hadn't.

You see, he told her he'd be late. He didn't know she was waiting out in the cold, and honestly, it wasn't even his choice. It was hers. The only person responsible for her being out in the cold is her because at any point in time she could have chosen to go home and be done with him. But there she sat, waiting. Lowering her value and raising his. As her emotions began to wear on her, he became more valuable because she invested feelings, energy and time into a man who has better things to do than meet some girl off of Match.com exactly when he said he would. Three times.

At the end of all of this, he really didn't mean to keep blowing her off like that, it's just that his life and what he was doing was more important than someone he didn't know. The moral of the story: Have better things to do than meet women.

~S

LR: 15 Minutes & Little Game

LR: 15 Minutes - No game, only recognizing IOI's & pulling the trigger

I am posting this with some reluctance (I want to be clear, there were no super-powers involved here, simply recognizing the situation and figuring out logistics) but this is earth-shattering to my reality so therefore it is important in my development. On the train talking to Legend. Start talking to girl in front of me. Try getting back to Legend. Girl (21 y/o) keeps talking and invites me to smoke weed with her. Legend hangs up. I don't accept right away but I'm getting enough IOI's (invitation to hang out, body language attraction signals) that I think about logistics.

I remember there is a park close by which is well hidden from plain sight and I know I could close there. (This map will help.)

Walk there, building comfort (or rather, being cool & leading the situation). She pulls out her joint, lights it, passes it to me. I take a hit. (I guess this could be considered building rapport.) [For the record, I rarely ever get high. It makes me horny as a motherfucker and I tend to get socially retarded unless I am drinking alcohol.] She had already been drinking and is now getting high. I don't really get high but keep going.

I start kino, touching her hands, making like I'm reading her palms. She moves in closer. I look in her eyes, move in closer, pull her in as if to kiss... she closes her eyes, kiss. Umm, it's on. Kiss escalates to heavy petting. Grab a condom from my bag, close.

Sent her on her way to meet up with her friends. Swapped numbers with plans to meet up again this week. Will move her into FB status.

This required little more than recognizing she was ready to go and taking action. I didn't do anything other than that. But it blows my fucking mind how quick this happened.

==========================================================

This happened the other day but looking back on it, it's not that it required "no game". It required a little game, at the right moments and if I didn't know those things and have the ability to recognize them, or have the balls to pull the trigger, or the mindset to figure out logistics, this would not have happened.

~Serendipitous

How to Speak to Women and Make Them Crazy About You

The person who controls the level of abstraction controls the communication.

The most effective way to communicate to a woman is by getting her to use her imagination, but how do you actually do that? What's the system? How do you communicate using attractive language? In this article I'm going to give you an easy technique to put to immediate use. If that's something that would that be of value to you, keep reading.

My friend and fellow PUA l0ck was explaining his online techniques and since I suck at online game, I tried them. Fast forward to I'm messaging and IM-ing this one girl and she's really into me. As we were going back and forth I never gave her direct answers to her questions. This is important. because then everything she thinks, she will own. The thoughts become hers and hers alone.

Giving a girl specific answers to her questions builds a clear picture in her mind very quickly whereas giving her ambiguous answers activates her imagination and leaves her mind open and wondering about you. She builds the mystery in her mind and you become and enigma to her.

The technique I use to communicate like this is called The Hierarchy of Ideas. It's a very simple model which assists us in being able to move from levels of abstraction (existence, happiness) to levels of specificity (nuts, bolts).

SPECIFICITY, AMBIGUITY & CHUNKING

How we move throughout The Hierarchy of Ideas is known as "chunking". There are 3 directions in which we can chunk. Up, down and laterally. Chunking up gives you the big picture, chunking down gives you details and chunking laterally gives us other examples on the same plane of thinking. Let me introduce you to the Hierarchy of Ideas and the concept of chunking. First we take a word and place it in the center of the model. Lets use the word "car". Study at this model for a minute.

CHUNKING UP

We can chunk up by asking 3 questions:

What is this an example of?

For what purpose?

What is the intention?

Car, for what purpose? and the answer is transportation. Transportation, for what purpose? and the answer is movement. Movement for what purpose? and the answer is existence. "Existence" is a pretty high level of ABSTRACTION, and this is chunking UP.

CHUNKING DOWN

We chunk down on car by asking :

What are examples of this?

What specifically?

Car, what's an example of this? and the answer would be Pontiac. What Pontiac specifically? and the answer is Grand Am. What specifically on the Grand Am? and the answer would be wheels. (asking what are examples of this now would not allow us to chunk down any more, it would only allow us to chunk over) What specifically on the wheels? and the answer would be wheel nuts.

CHUNKING LATERALLY

Chunk laterally by chunking up one level and over. From car we chunk up to transportation and from there we ask for examples of it, planes, trains, buses, boats, etc.

EXAMPLES OF ATTRACTIVE LANGUAGE

Her: what kind of music was it?

Me!: the opposite of american "metal", which is depressing and angry.. it is positive, powerful, uplifting and inspiring.

Her: but loud and powerful like metal?

Her: so green day, do you like or dislike?

Me!: uh, much more powerful than green day.

Her: now I am curious

Her first question was looking for a specific answer, and I could have answered "power metal" but since that doesn't leave too much to the imagination, I used adjectives to describe it. Remaining vague leaves more for her to imagine. Then she uses Green Day as a specific example and again, I use an ambiguous adjective and it piques her curiosity.

Her: yes, the website? was that your favorite band or are you in a band?

Me!: I have many favorite bands. That was one of them.

I don't answer if I am in a band or not. I could easily start explaining that I was at one point but I'm not anymore and blah blah blah. Instead I leave it open by ignoring it and saying something vague about many bands and leave her wondering what the rest are.

Me!: I'm the kind of person that, when I like something, I like it all the way. Not halfway, or a quarter, but all the way.

Her: ok, but you still have an open mind to other things, right?

Me!: Some things I'm close minded too, if they don't suit me at all. Other things I can tolerate.

I don't give any specific answers here at all leaving her with how I think and not what I think about something specific.

THE MIND FILLS IN THE BLANKS

When the mind organizes information it does so in a linear process. When the mind senses gaps in the line it tries to fill them in so it can understand. When there is nothing to fill the gaps, when you don't build bridges across the gaps, the person will do that on their own to try and make sense of the information you've given them. People become drawn to you when you are a mystery.

Her: ok, there is this mystery about you and I understand it's unique but I am dying to get to know you better

Me!: Well, I'll call you tomorrow and you'll get to know me a little bit better.

When you begin to communicate using the hierarchy, and you train yourself to think in abstract ways, you can think circles around people and attract anyone you want into your life.

EXERCISE

Pick 10 words. Chunk up, down and laterally on them. Chunk up as high and as low as you can. If you need help, post a comment or response to this article and I'll do my best to help you.

~Serendipitous

Lead Your Women For Chrissssakes!

I've been watching couples recently and I've been noticing some things:

1. The vast majority of older men LEAD their women.

2. The vast majority of younger men are led BY their women.

I've been seeing this a lot lately and it's really disturbing. The younger generation of men, even the attractive, well built, handsome, rich, etc, etc.. men, are being led by their women. I could interpret this as these men are insecure and I think that sums it up. Since age is only part of the problem, I'll talk about that more in a bit but, insecurity is the other part of the problem.

I had a student recently ask me a lot of questions through IM. I'm going to post part of the conversation here for you to read.

Me: Insecurity is a major problem for men. Not being sure hurts them.

Student: Why?

Me: They are afraid that if they can't please their woman, she will leave.

Student: Why are they afraid she will leave?

Me: Because they do not think they will find another woman to replace her.

Student: Why do they think they can't replace a woman?

Me: Because (for them) it is hard to bring a woman into their reality and keep her there.

Student: Why do they think finding and keeping a woman is hard?

Me: Because all of the women in their lives have left them.

Student: Why have all of the women in their lives left them?

Me: Because they are insecure.

Student: What does a man do when he is insecure?

Me: He acts like he must please her all the time.

Student: How does this make him look to a woman?

Me: It makes him look weak.

Student: What does a woman think about weak men?

Me: She thinks they are unattractive.

Student: Why does she perceive him to be unattractive?

Me: Because he supplicates to her.

Student: How does he supplicate to her?

Me: By always trying to make her happy.

Student: Why does he always try to make her happy?

Me: Because he lets his fear of not being able to please her rule his decisions.

Student: Why does he do that?

Me: Because he does not have the tools to make her happy.

Student: Why doesn't he have the tools?

Me: Because his father never taught him.

Student: Why didn't his father teach him?

And it was at this point that I needed to stop him and explain what the effect of the women's liberation movement had on men. When women became more independent, men became confused. Their inability to adapt to this sudden and traumatic shift in power left them bewildered. Men and women couldn't communicate with each other effectively anymore, the divorce rate grew. To this day, the dust still hasn't settled. The divorce rate is higher than ever and the men are supplicating to women.

After becoming aware of this deterioration, this shift in power, I began to notice how the changes have rung out in my own family's history. My 4 grandparents were of the golden age and my grandfathers had always retained their masculine power in their relationships. My mother and father were different. My mother was more vocal and more independent and took a very active role as leader of the family. My father didn't know how to handle this, or rather he thought things weren't worth the constant arguing over so he would let my mother have her way. As I write this article I am remembering telling my father to stand up to her, put his foot down and be a man. It's funny that I could see it back then and knew what the right thing was. I went on to have worse relationships with women and I gave my power away before I even knew I had it.

The generational deterioration is clear looking back. This was something I had to take action and fix, and I'm glad that I did because I have much better relationships now. Women appreciate it when I stand my ground, when I lead, when I put them in their place.

I'm not talking about being domineering. Domineering is asserting your will over a woman in an arrogant way. What I'm talking about is being dominant. Dominance is influencing your woman to do what you want in a way that benefits her too.

Here are some examples from the conversation I had with my student.

Student: Can you give me an example of how men are domineering?

Me: Being domineering is telling her not to wear certain clothing because you don't want her revealing too much of her body.

Student: And what would the dominant way to handle the same situation be?

Me: The dominant way would be to explain to her that you like it when she dresses a certain way and that you find her more attractive in a certain type of clothing.

Student: The second way just sounds like you are asking her. How is that being dominant?

Me: You're forgetting that being dominant is influencing her to make a different choice on her own.

Student: Ah.. I get it. Demanding she not wear certain things is domineering and dominant is telling her you find her more attractive if she dresses another way.

Me: Right. One way gives her choice, the other does not.

Student: What if she keeps wearing the clothes I don't like?

Me: Well I suppose you aren't influencing her enough.

Student: What could I do to influence her more?

Me: The biggest thing you can do is reward her for choosing what you like.

Student: How do I reward her for choosing what I want her to do?

Me: The easiest way is to give her value.

Student: How do I give her value?

Me: If the issue is that you want her to dress differently, take her shopping. Pick out things you want her to wear. When she tries it on and you like it, tell her how sexy you think she is. Make her feel good when you like something she does.

Student: What if she picks out something I don't like?

Me: Don't reward her for it. Tell her to hand it to you so you can look at it, tell her you don't like it, put it back on the rack and hand her something you do like.

Student: What if she wants to buy it anyway?

Me: Stress that you'd really like her to buy the other thing because it turns you on to see her dressed that way. Make her feel good when you tell her what you want. Grab her, pull her in, talk dirty to her. Make her feel good. Way deep down inside.

Student: How does making her feel good work?

Me: You have to understand what women want most in a man. Guys, we want her to do things for us. Things like cook for us, get us a beer, wash our laundry, clean up after us, give us blow jobs, etc.. That's typically how a guy wants a woman to show her she loves him. Women, on the other hand, they just want to feel loved. They really could give a shit what else you do as long as you make them feel loved.

Student: Okay.. So when you communicate your love for her as a reward for giving you what you want, she's more apt to do it because she's getting what she needs from you.

Me: Exactly.

Most guys make the huge mistake of rewarding a girl when she hasn't earned it. They think that by taking her to her favorite restaurant or the movie that she wants to see, or by letting her decide where she wants to go will make her happy and it doesn't. She hasn't earned those things.

Guys make the mistake of placing too much value on her. She knows she hasn't earned it and it is unsatisfying to her. Put yourself in her shoes. Let's imagine that everywhere you went you had people trying to do things for you. At first this would seem pretty awesome; people serving you and doing things for you and you never have to do anything for yourself. That would get old after a while. You'd start to resent everyone who was offering to do these things for you. Well that's exactly what happens to a woman who's being supplicated to by a man. She loses attraction for him.

Lead your women for chrissssakes! Not only do they want you to lead them but both you and her feel better when you lead. Relationships tend to work better when a man can successfully lead the way. Deep down, she's counting on you for protection and leading her is a way to show her you are looking out for her.

~Serendipitous

Techniques for Building Rapport & Establishing Comfort

Rapport gives us the potential for creating long lasting, synergistic relationships, but can also be misused. Rapport is a tool much in the same way that a hammer is. Just as a scalpel can be used to heal or to hurt, utilize it to heal. You must use rapport to heal or it will come around and bite you in the ass and you will not succeed in your goals. The best thing you can do is to use rapport in an ethical way to benefit all involved.

Use these techniques to create win-win, synergistic relationships.

BREAKING DOWN COMMUNICATION

55% of communication is physiology, otherwise known as body language, and 38% is in ones voice; tonality, tempo, timbre & volume specifically. The other 7% is the words that you use. Since body language is an often talked about subject in the community, and tonality is pretty much common sense to all of us, I'll be talking specifically about how you can make the MOST out of this last little piece of the puzzle.

What Words Are Comprised Of

There are 4 key parts we have after we break down the last 7% of communication. Words are made up of predicates, key words, common experiences and content chunks. I'll be focusing on each part and also providing some other explanations of things that will be helpful to you in understanding how to utilize these techniques.

Let's begin, shall we?

PREDICATES

Predicate: the word is defined as the part of a sentence or clause containing a verb and stating something about the subject. In NLP, the predicates people use often clue you in to their Representational System.

Ok, TIME OUT!

What is a Representational System, you ask?

Representational Systems

There are 4 basic types of people:

1. Primarily Visual

2. Primarily Kinesthetic

3. Primarily Auditory

4. Primarily Auditory Digital

Allow me to explain about these types of people real quick.

How people learn, memorize and communicate fall into these 4 Representational Systems:

1. Visual - by looking, seeing and visualizing

2. Kinesthetic - by touching, feeling and doing

3. Auditory - by listening and hearing

4. Auditory Digital - using logic, understanding and strategy

There are ways for you to train yourself to easily spot each type of person, but that is beyond the scope of this post.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's get back to predicates.

Before the quick background info, we agreed that the definition of predicate was basically a verb. Now let me explain what the importance of them actually is.

The verbs that people use when they speak often dictate what type of Representational System they prefer.

Here's are some examples:

1. If I said "This doesn't feel right to me.", what kind of Representational System would I be using?

2. How about if I said "I can see what you mean."?

3. If I said "That name rings a bell.", what type of person would I be?

4. And if I said "That doesn't make any sense to me.", what type would I be then?

In case you needed the answers 1. kinesthetic 2. visual 3. auditory and 4. auditory digital.

Do you see what I mean? = visual

Do you hear me? = auditory

Do you understand me? = auditory digital

Do you grasp the concept? = kinesthetic

By now you are beginning to understand.

*Note* People can score high levels in each representational system, and may even prefer one system over another system at different times.

KEYWORDS

Keywords are defined as the words that are used to reveal the internal structure of a persons reasoning.

But how are keywords important when building rapport? When you are trying to build rapport in your communications, one of the techniques you can use is Matching & Mirroring.

It's time for another timeout.

Matching & Mirroring

Just like keywords, matching and mirroring is an import piece of building rapport. Allow me to distinguish the difference between them.

Matching - When you are matching someone, you are using the opposite side of your body to mimic their movements.

Mirroring - When you are mirroring someone, you are acting as if you are a mirror image of them.

Matching tends to be less in someone's conscious awareness than mirroring, but mirroring will create a much deeper rapport. You want to be subtle, though, when you are matching and mirroring someone. You always want this to be outside of someone's conscious awareness.

It's important to understand and realize that when you do have a deep and unconscious rapport with someone, that you match and mirror them anyway, something that you already do naturally. It can be viewed as a way of honoring that person, so much that you're willing to become like them in order to communicate with them.

Matching and mirroring can be applied to many different aspects of communication, but here I'm only going to discuss how to do it within the last 7% of communication, because again, it is beyond the scope of this post.

Let's get back on track again.

Using the keywords of the person whom you are building rapport with is a great out-of-conscious way to establish that connection with them. Simply pick out 2 or sometimes 3 keywords from their last sentence or two and use them when you speak back to them.

This is very easy to accomplish during conversations.

COMMON EXPERIENCES

Ever find yourself in a conversation with someone and as they were talking about one of their personal experiences it started reminding you of [b]your[/b] similar experiences? Did you then feel compelled to talk about your experiences as well?

This has happened to us all at one point in our lives and in this situation we were using our words to build rapport with the person we were communicating with.

CONTENT CHUNKS

For now, content chunks could be defined as: the topic of conversation, but more accurately this is beyond the scope of this post.

BUILDING RAPPORT

When you start building rapport within the last 7%, you want to match predicates more than mirror them, and you want to mirror keywords more than you match them. The reason you want to do this is that it will more easily stay outside of someone's consciousness.

In this context, matching predicates would be using similar ones as opposed to the same ones and mirroring key words would be using the exact key words as opposed to matching keywords. Mirroring someone's predicates even once could bring risk bringing it into their consciousness, and matching someone's key words will generally have a lesser effect.

Matching Predicates:

Her: I don't see what you mean.

You: Let me try painting you a picture of what I'm talking about.

Her: I don't think you're hearing me!

You: No, I'm hearing you loud and clear.

Her: I've been trying to get a hold of you all week!

You: I'm just a hard person to get in touch with.

Her: I'm not getting a clear understanding of what you're getting at.

You: Let me explain it in a way that makes sense to you.

Notice how you match their Representational System preference.

Mirroring Keywords:

Her: Yesterday, I had to take my car to the mechanic.

You: Why did you have to take your car to the mechanic?

Her: Oh I think the brakes were going. I started hearing this grinding noise when I was stopping.

You: Yeah, grinding noises are typical when you need your brakes replaced.

Notice how noise goes to noises. The words don't have to be in the exact form, just use the root of the keyword.

You should generally start by matching someone and then switch to mirroring, as matching is less inside consciousness and mirroring is more inside consciousness, thus stepping down into and creating a deeper rapport.

The point of establishing unconscious rapport isn't to always match and mirror someone. You want to meet them where they are and take them where you want them to go, to eventually and unconsciously LEAD them into matching and mirroring you. Once you are successful in accomplishing that, you have successfully built rapport with them.

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU'VE ESTABLISHED RAPPORT

There are 4 major indicators:

1. Their feeling inside - They my feel "butterflies in their stomach" or experience a feeling of warmth or familiarity.

2. Their skin color will change - Meeting someone new causes people to go into a state of sympathetic arousal. Their skin will start to flush or blush, signifying a shift from sympathetic functioning to para-sympathetic functioning, which means they go into a state of relaxation.

3. They'll say something about the feeling of familiarity - Have we met before? Do I know you? I feel like I've known you before.

4. Leading - When you start to move, they follow you.

ESTABLISHING COMFORT

When you are successful at building rapport, establishing comfort will typically stem from sharing your common experiences.

As building this kind rapport is generally deeper, you should switch to matching before you end your communication with someone, so as to lead them back out of deep unconscious rapport more gradually.

~Serendipitous

The Value In Failure

Most people are afraid to fail. They are afraid to even begin something if the result will be failure. But those are the people that miss out, who stay the same, who don't grow and stay the same.

Reasons to fail:

- Learn about yourself

- Learn how not to do something

- Learn better ways to do something

- What we learn enables us to succeed in the future

- You fight harder to get what you want

- To keep going

- Gain experience

Quotes:

I make more mistakes than anyone I know. Eventually, I patent them.

- Thomas Edison

It's only a failure if we fail to get the learning.

- Scott Cook, Owner, Intuit

Google distinguishes between bad and good failures, the latter of which have two characteristics: 1) discerning why you failed and applying that to future projects; and 2) speed: fail fast and early before investing more than necessary or damaging your brand.

Give yourself permission to fail.

Seek out mentors and learn from their failures. Learn from their successes too.

Stop Playing The Victim, Accept Personal Responibility

There are people I know who are always at the affect of something. "Bobby did X and now I can't do Y.", "She slapped a restraining order on me and I have no idea why but now I think I'm going to jail. I didn't do anything!".

Seriously, that kind of thinking is harmful. Keep thinking that way and it will always stay that way. I think that this kind of thinking is responsible for a lot of racism. One race is at the affect of another race. That's bullshit. Keep looking for reasons to think that way and that's all you'll ever see.

On the other hand, if you think that everything that happens to you is a result of something you did, now then you're on to something. A lot can be said about accepting personal responsibility, but I'll start with this: Once you accept personal responsibility for everything that happens to you, it forces you to start examining your choices.

"I live in this trailer park now because I made the choice not to leave after high school."

"That beautiful woman walked away from me because I acted boring/creepy/not confident/ etc."

Can you see what happens between placing the blame on an external source and accepting personal responsibility?

Accepting responsibility reveals your choices, and when you become aware of your choices you can then know you need to make different, better choices.

This is a trait that, once you incorporate it into your life, in can spin you around in a complete 180, right towards your goal. So adopt this into your life and track your results.