Lead Your Women For Chrissssakes!

I've been watching couples recently and I've been noticing some things:

1. The vast majority of older men LEAD their women.

2. The vast majority of younger men are led BY their women.

I've been seeing this a lot lately and it's really disturbing. The younger generation of men, even the attractive, well built, handsome, rich, etc, etc.. men, are being led by their women. I could interpret this as these men are insecure and I think that sums it up. Since age is only part of the problem, I'll talk about that more in a bit but, insecurity is the other part of the problem.

I had a student recently ask me a lot of questions through IM. I'm going to post part of the conversation here for you to read.

Me: Insecurity is a major problem for men. Not being sure hurts them.

Student: Why?

Me: They are afraid that if they can't please their woman, she will leave.

Student: Why are they afraid she will leave?

Me: Because they do not think they will find another woman to replace her.

Student: Why do they think they can't replace a woman?

Me: Because (for them) it is hard to bring a woman into their reality and keep her there.

Student: Why do they think finding and keeping a woman is hard?

Me: Because all of the women in their lives have left them.

Student: Why have all of the women in their lives left them?

Me: Because they are insecure.

Student: What does a man do when he is insecure?

Me: He acts like he must please her all the time.

Student: How does this make him look to a woman?

Me: It makes him look weak.

Student: What does a woman think about weak men?

Me: She thinks they are unattractive.

Student: Why does she perceive him to be unattractive?

Me: Because he supplicates to her.

Student: How does he supplicate to her?

Me: By always trying to make her happy.

Student: Why does he always try to make her happy?

Me: Because he lets his fear of not being able to please her rule his decisions.

Student: Why does he do that?

Me: Because he does not have the tools to make her happy.

Student: Why doesn't he have the tools?

Me: Because his father never taught him.

Student: Why didn't his father teach him?

And it was at this point that I needed to stop him and explain what the effect of the women's liberation movement had on men. When women became more independent, men became confused. Their inability to adapt to this sudden and traumatic shift in power left them bewildered. Men and women couldn't communicate with each other effectively anymore, the divorce rate grew. To this day, the dust still hasn't settled. The divorce rate is higher than ever and the men are supplicating to women.

After becoming aware of this deterioration, this shift in power, I began to notice how the changes have rung out in my own family's history. My 4 grandparents were of the golden age and my grandfathers had always retained their masculine power in their relationships. My mother and father were different. My mother was more vocal and more independent and took a very active role as leader of the family. My father didn't know how to handle this, or rather he thought things weren't worth the constant arguing over so he would let my mother have her way. As I write this article I am remembering telling my father to stand up to her, put his foot down and be a man. It's funny that I could see it back then and knew what the right thing was. I went on to have worse relationships with women and I gave my power away before I even knew I had it.

The generational deterioration is clear looking back. This was something I had to take action and fix, and I'm glad that I did because I have much better relationships now. Women appreciate it when I stand my ground, when I lead, when I put them in their place.

I'm not talking about being domineering. Domineering is asserting your will over a woman in an arrogant way. What I'm talking about is being dominant. Dominance is influencing your woman to do what you want in a way that benefits her too.

Here are some examples from the conversation I had with my student.

Student: Can you give me an example of how men are domineering?

Me: Being domineering is telling her not to wear certain clothing because you don't want her revealing too much of her body.

Student: And what would the dominant way to handle the same situation be?

Me: The dominant way would be to explain to her that you like it when she dresses a certain way and that you find her more attractive in a certain type of clothing.

Student: The second way just sounds like you are asking her. How is that being dominant?

Me: You're forgetting that being dominant is influencing her to make a different choice on her own.

Student: Ah.. I get it. Demanding she not wear certain things is domineering and dominant is telling her you find her more attractive if she dresses another way.

Me: Right. One way gives her choice, the other does not.

Student: What if she keeps wearing the clothes I don't like?

Me: Well I suppose you aren't influencing her enough.

Student: What could I do to influence her more?

Me: The biggest thing you can do is reward her for choosing what you like.

Student: How do I reward her for choosing what I want her to do?

Me: The easiest way is to give her value.

Student: How do I give her value?

Me: If the issue is that you want her to dress differently, take her shopping. Pick out things you want her to wear. When she tries it on and you like it, tell her how sexy you think she is. Make her feel good when you like something she does.

Student: What if she picks out something I don't like?

Me: Don't reward her for it. Tell her to hand it to you so you can look at it, tell her you don't like it, put it back on the rack and hand her something you do like.

Student: What if she wants to buy it anyway?

Me: Stress that you'd really like her to buy the other thing because it turns you on to see her dressed that way. Make her feel good when you tell her what you want. Grab her, pull her in, talk dirty to her. Make her feel good. Way deep down inside.

Student: How does making her feel good work?

Me: You have to understand what women want most in a man. Guys, we want her to do things for us. Things like cook for us, get us a beer, wash our laundry, clean up after us, give us blow jobs, etc.. That's typically how a guy wants a woman to show her she loves him. Women, on the other hand, they just want to feel loved. They really could give a shit what else you do as long as you make them feel loved.

Student: Okay.. So when you communicate your love for her as a reward for giving you what you want, she's more apt to do it because she's getting what she needs from you.

Me: Exactly.

Most guys make the huge mistake of rewarding a girl when she hasn't earned it. They think that by taking her to her favorite restaurant or the movie that she wants to see, or by letting her decide where she wants to go will make her happy and it doesn't. She hasn't earned those things.

Guys make the mistake of placing too much value on her. She knows she hasn't earned it and it is unsatisfying to her. Put yourself in her shoes. Let's imagine that everywhere you went you had people trying to do things for you. At first this would seem pretty awesome; people serving you and doing things for you and you never have to do anything for yourself. That would get old after a while. You'd start to resent everyone who was offering to do these things for you. Well that's exactly what happens to a woman who's being supplicated to by a man. She loses attraction for him.

Lead your women for chrissssakes! Not only do they want you to lead them but both you and her feel better when you lead. Relationships tend to work better when a man can successfully lead the way. Deep down, she's counting on you for protection and leading her is a way to show her you are looking out for her.

~Serendipitous